Physical behaviors, as opposed to words, are used to express or convey information.
Such behavior includes facial expressions, body posture, gestures, eye movement, touch and the use of space. The term body language is usually applied in regard to people but may also be applied to animals.
The study of body language is also known as kinesics.
Although body language is an important part of communication, most of it happens without conscious awareness.
We spend our lives learning how to decode other people’s nonverbal cues.
While we’re busy trying to decode their messages, they are also trying to decode ours.
There are times when you want other people to know exactly how you’re feeling, especially when those feelings are both positive and reciprocated.
This isn’t always easy to do, particularly if you’re not a very emotive type of person. At other times, however, you definitely want to hide your inner feelings.
Body language is just that—the language of the body. You may think that you only show your emotions through your face, but that is only the tip of the iceberg.
Your entire body participates in the business of either showing or hiding your mental state.
To control that display means you have to control your body’s cues. This guide will show you how, starting from the top down.
You’ll have a greater understanding of how even the most seemingly insignificant bodily gestures can provide key signals of your emotions.
Starting at the very top of your head is, of course, your scalp. Your hair (assuming you have it) can actually tell a great deal about your emotional state.
People have bad hair days for many reasons, but depending on the type of bad hair day it is, the reason might be your mood as much as it is the weather.
When you’re stressed, for example, you may even forget to run a comb through your frazzled locks. People will know at a glance that you’re not feeling completely pulled together.
Similarly, a bed head after a long night out may be sexy to some, but it’s not the look you want to cultivate to impress at the office or your kid’s PTA meeting.
Cut, color, or amount of hair aside, the fact that it’s groomed lets others know that you’re in control of the way your day is developing.
If you don’t have any hair, the problem is solved, but with your forehead more in evidence, you’ll be giving away other nonverbal cues when you’re frowning.
Handshakes and first impressions go, well, hand in hand. A nice, firm grip combined with a hearty (but not too hearty) shake can imply you’re outgoing and confident.
A limp and weak squeeze sets you up as unsure.
How long you hold your shaker’s hand matters, too:
If you drop out too quickly, it can suggest shyness.
Bobbing your head up and down during a conversation can make you seem agreeable and interested.
Nods are catching, so if you nod while you speak, you might convince others to go along with what you’re saying.
There’s a reason people say they’re “in a slump” when things aren’t going their way.
Science says slouching your shoulders can make you hold on to stress and feel sad.
Standing up straight can help you feel positive and come across as confident and focused.
Having trouble standing tall?
Check in with your doctor to see if there’s an underlying medical cause like osteoporosis.
Touching Your Face and Hair
Twirling a lock, brushing back your bangs, or bringing your hands to your face can come across as flirty.
“Self-grooming” behaviors like these may make it seem like you’re hoping for attention from someone you fancy.
Sometimes, it doesn’t even take a single word to send out a message loud and clear.
Is your body language skewing others’ view of you?
Are your expressions, gestures, and positions revealing feelings you’d rather keep hidden — or that you aren’t even aware of?
A steady gaze creates a mixed bag of emotion.
If the person you’re talking to is comfortable with you, they’re more likely to find you trustworthy if you hold eye contact.
If they’re unsure about you, a long look will make you seem more threatening.
And no matter what someone thinks of you, everyone has an eye contact threshold where things start to feel … awkward.
A feel-good grin is contagious. When you smile at someone, it sends a signal to their mouth muscles to do the same.
Their smile triggers the parts of their brain that deal with happiness, and they feel a greater sense of connection with you.
Standing wide with uncrossed legs or arms tends to give off an “open and available” vibe.
Staring at the ground or keeping your arms across your chest are more likely to send the signal that you’re closed off and out of reach.
Want to be memorable?
Talk with your hands. When you gesture as you gab, it’s more likely that your words will linger in someone’s mind.
But don’t overdo it.
Big movements may make you seem out of control and excitable.
You may want to slip on some shades next time you’re around your crush so the “windows to your soul” don’t give away your secret longing.
When you’re interested in or aroused by someone, your pupils dilate.
It’s not something you can control, but it may help you out with your object of affection: having larger pupils tends to make you more attractive to others.
If you tend to press your lips together, you should know: Liars are more likely to have this habit than people who tell the truth.
Being (literally) tight-lipped could make you come across as untrustworthy.
It’s good to respect personal space, but when you lean away from someone, they’re more likely to suspect your motives.
Same goes for fidgeting or crossing your arms.
Leaning forward suggests partnership and that they can rely on you.
No matter how hard you try to “fix your face,” it may still give you away — and it only takes a fraction of a second.
Just a flash of a facial twitch, grimace, or raised brow leaves an impression that’s hard to shake.
So if your unguarded reaction to something is disgust, chances are an observer may sense that in their gut, even if they can’t say why.
Copying the way someone’s standing, their expressions, or even their accent often builds trust and understanding between you.
But this doesn’t always work.
If you’re in a position of power over the person you’re mirroring, it can weird them out.
When you can’t furrow your brow alongside someone else, for example, you won’t be able to relate to their feelings as deeply — and vice versa.
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