Are you threatened by your partner’s partner because you’re insecure about something?
Are you feeling envious because your partner isn’t giving you enough time and attention?
Do you feel like their relationship with their partner will ruin your relationship?
Does it worry you when you share your partner?
Think deeply about what could cause THIS FEELING. You’ll be better equipped to deal with whatever is making you feel insecure.
Of course, sometimes it’s going to be really tricky. If this is the case, don’t worry – take your time to think about it.
When you feel insecure, think deeply about the feelings and actions you associate with it.
Does sharing love cause you to feel angry, miserable, teary, or insecure?
Maybe jealousy causes you to feel vengeful or irritable.
Take note of when you feel these feelings. From there, you can consider what triggers those feelings. This will help you realize where it stems from.
Personally, jealousy makes me feel angry, and I become very passive-aggressive. I noted that sharing love is also very healthy in your own growth.
Realizing this helped me acknowledge that I’m particularly jealous when my partner is interested in someone who’s more successful than I am, because I equate my success to my worth.
Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate.
Thank you ….Ideas around Secure in Love
We internalize so many harmful around sharing love jealousy. Those ideas can prevent us from dealing with our sharing in a constructive and healthy way.
Heteronormativity is the society-wide notion that some kinds of love, sex and relationships are better, healthier, and more “normal” than others.
It includes the idea that heterosexual, married, monogamous relationships are desirable, and that transactional, non-traditional, unmarried, non-monogamous relationships are unhealthy and abnormal.
Heteronormativity also tells us how our relationships should work. This includes telling us how we should think and feel about sharing.
Often, envying your partner’s partners is a knee-jerk reaction we have after years of being socialized to feel uncomfortable.
When we think critically about societal ideas around jealousy, we are more capable of unlearning them. Society tells us that if someone really loves you, they’ll want to be with you and only you.
We’re taught that should be jealous if your partner is with someone else – because it means your partner doesn’t desire you.
Do you want to add a word or two?
But this isn’t true. We know that it’s entirely possible to love more than one person at once.
Ultimately, the presence of a met amour doesn’t necessarily threaten your relationship with your partner – it’s possible for your partner to desire, value, and care for multiple people at once.
It’s definitely easier to understand in theory than it is to practice, but reminding yourselves of these truths makes it easier to control your jealousy.
Communicate
Tackling the cause of your shared love will probably require you and your partner to work together. For this, you’ll need to practice healthy and honest communication!
Communication is vital in any type of relationship – whether it’s a monogamous romantic relationship, a friendship, a relationship with a family member, or even a relationship with a co-worker.
Your Comments……
Polyamorous relationships are definitely no exception, and when you’re feeling jealous, communication is of paramount importance.
Negative feelings usually arise from a need. When we’re jealous, we usually need attention and affirmation.
Figure out what you need from your partner and ask for it.
If you struggle to bring up the topic of jealousy in your relationship, a few things you might say to get the dialogue rolling is:
“I’ve been feeling jealous about all the time you spend with your other partner. Is it possible for us to schedule more time together? Maybe the three of us can hang out sometime?”
“I feel jealous, and I’m not sure why. Give me some time to figure it out.”
“I’m feeling insecure, and I’d appreciate it if you could give me some more time and attention.”
“I get jealous when you have one-night stands with others. Can you stop doing that for a little while until I figure out why?”
Having an open and honest discussion about jealousy is incredibly important. Discussing jealousy will probably make you feel more secure and in control.
It’s also the first step in making a concrete plan to challenge the cause of your jealousy.
Envy and insecurity are usually closely linked.
When I feel particularly jealous of someone my partner’s attracted to, it’s usually because I feel like they’re better than me in some way.
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