Be unique. Be memorable. Be confident. Be proud.
If there’s one thing that’s true, it’s that your life should never, for any reason or under any circumstances, be compared to that of another, especially by you!
From the fact that you’re unique to the fact that things are not always how they seem on the outside, there are countless reasons comparing your life and self with others is a “no, no.
Smart, popular, accomplished young people from loving families are taking their own lives in unprecedented numbers, a pattern that some experts attribute to the drive to be the “best”—a tall if not impossible order when surrounded by other ambitious high-achievers.
It’s not just college students who compare themselves to others. Most of us have compared ourselves to a friend, colleague, or even a celebrity, in a quest to figure out.
Can we wean ourselves from social comparison? It’s easier said than done. Some psychologists, believe that our desire to compare ourselves to others is a drive—one almost as powerful as thirst or hunger.
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Thank you …. While comparisons can be informative, they’re almost always discouraging, because someone’s always going to end up on the bottom. My mother was not a social psychologist, but she knew that the desire to top others is an exercise in futility.
A better way to figure out “How am I doing?” might be to compare ourselves today to where we were in the past, or to where we want to be in the future.
Others’ so-called “perfection” is an illusion. The glorious vacations, the enviable professional accomplishments, the perfect children and spouses we see on our friends’ Facebook pages are just one sliver of their real lives.
It’s the truth, but not the “whole truth and nothing but the truth.” A friend may proudly announce the publication of their new novel, but conceal the 12 rejections their manuscript received before being published.
We may envy the smiling suntanned family we see on a tropical vacation, although we’re not privy to the fact that the 30 seconds of smiling came after three hours of squabbling and sniping.
If we knew others’ whole truths, we might not feel so inadequate when comparing yourselves to their carefully crafted public images of “perfection.”
Do you want to add a word or two?
Life isn’t fair.
Some people are born with more advantages than others: A perfectly symmetrical face. Rapid-fire metabolism. Wealthy parents. Social connections that help them score a coveted job.
Yet when we compare ourselves (unfavorably) to others, we often beat ourselves up for not trying hard enough. It’s much more likely that the differences we see reflect an uneven playing field. Hard work just isn’t enough sometimes.
Comparisons turn friends and allies into rivals. In a perfect world, we would celebrate and genuinely enjoy the joys and accomplishments of others.
Yet if we use others as a benchmark to evaluate ourselves, that creeping twinge of jealousy may undermine our ability to truly cherish the good things that come to others.
Just remember: Over time, things may even out, and a friend’s success may enable him or her to support and make opportunities for others (including you).
Your Comments……
They help to structure your goals.
Thinking about where we’d like to be in the future and comparing that to where we are today helps us to structure our goals in sensible ways.
Whether we’re an adult dreaming of a career change, or a college student hoping to go to medical school, having a clear idea of what we need to do, what we have been doing, and what’s got to change can help us to take realistic steps to reach our goals.
They help us to troubleshoot.
Temporal comparisons can be thought of us fact-finding missions, on which we find out facts about ourselves.
Are you struggling with a two-mile run today, but sailed along a five-miler last week? If so, what’s changed in the past week?
These “data” help us to isolate possible obstacles to doing the best job possible. Maybe we got a bad night’s sleep, or have too many work worries on our mind, or have an undiagnosed illness, and our run is suffering as a result.
This fact-finding may help us to pinpoint problems that could have otherwise gone unnoticed, and may help us to remedy those obstacles that are preventing us from doing our “personal best.”
By focusing on self-improvement rather than one-upmanship, we’ll have a more realistic and insightful strategy for reaching our goals, and ideally, our friends and loved ones will be there to support us along the way.
At some point or another, you have taken a look at someone else’s life and said to yourself (or out loud), “Why is their life better than mine. It’s not fair.”
Am I right?
Perhaps when you are on your Facebook News Feed, and you begin to see pictures of extremely happy and successful people, you all of a sudden become aware that you feel sick in the stomach?
Well, you are not alone! Unfortunately most people walk around feeling either better than or less than others. It is rare to find many people who walk around feeling completely equal to everyone else.
First of all, let’s get something straight. When you feel “sick” as a result of comparing yourself to someone else, that is just your body telling you there is a conflict of interest going on inside.
When you see something you desire to have as your personal life experience, it’s a great feeling. BUT, it’s not such a great feeling when your thoughts immediately follow it up with, “that person must be better than me, and I can’t ever have something equal or better.”
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