“Letting go” is the gold ring of positive change, releasing us from the chains of the past.

 Intuitively, to let go means immediate relief, being unburdened, relaxing into and passing through suffering into peace and possibility.

It seems ever-elusive, until it’s not.

Mental action is modeled on physical behavior.

 Evolution, it is thought, borrows from basic brain systems in constructing sophisticated psychic life.

Being close to someone physically equates with emotional intimacy.

Growing apart from someone means the relationship is changing, sitting with a thought or feeling rather than running away, moving through distress, basking in joy as one would light, and so on.

Letting go implies we are holding on to something painful that we wish to but can’t easily relinquish. Cherished but unwanted, there is a paradoxical sense of terror of losing it.

Holding on is involuntary, not a conscious decision.

Maybe at some point in the past it was purposeful, necessary, but no longer. Survival is the first priority. There is time later to thrive.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate.

Thank you ….Most people are afraid to let go. They are attached to beliefs, habits, possessions and people, and find it difficult to cut their unnecessary and harmful attachments loose, even if they are causing them to suffer and be unhappy.

Letting go is threatening because—even if we’ve lived with the growing awareness that whatever we are holding on to is outgrown—it feels as if letting go means reliving the original injury.

When we are ready, letting go is cathartic, often sad but beautiful, and painful. Until then, time is partly frozen.

We don’t have a clear, integrated sense of what or why we are holding on, letting go is mystifying, impossible even.

When it is better to hold on to an inflated, brittle sense of self than to run the risk of having no self at all?

There is a way where letting go is simply part of grieving.

Breaking-up isn’t the way to go.

Rather than “breaking the pattern,” the pattern gradually softens and re-shapes itself.

Letting go is more gentle, generous, and self-compassionate than coercively ripping away something dear.

Self-accord places letting go and holding on together. Rather than panicking and looking for an escape route, slow down and see what’s what. It’s useful to be less neurotic here.

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The key moment of letting go is slippery at first, becoming more concrete with practice. Rather than holding onto something, later on, letting go means that familiar temptations don’t hook on in the same way.

They don’t look so life-and-death, and in retrospect, we may see ourselves with compassion, even gentle humor—though not dismissively or invalidating—for thinking things meant so much.

What actually is letting go?

There are many ways to contemplate the act of letting go. A key element of letting go is recognizing the presence of what might be called a pathological need.

 Many times pathological needs stem from traumatic experiences, efforts to negate or undo childhood maltreatment or deprivation.

In many cases, pathological needs stem from unhealthy narcissistic adaptations to unresolved developmental experiences with caregivers who did not meet basic needs required to develop a secure sense of self.

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Neurotic worry, emotionally hoarding every grievance and injury, reflects an unhealthy attachment to the past, and often to hurt parts of oneself which require healing rather than obsessive picking at scabs.

These needs seem necessary for self-protection and may feel life-and-death.

The details vary but there is a common quality of alarm that typically feels normal, narrowing our view of situations without us even realizing it because it is so familiar.

We tend to misinterpret what others mean, twisting their words to confirm the mistrust we feel. We need enemies to make us strong.

Rather than considering different angles, we only see things one way. We listen in order to build arguments rather than to connect, leading to isolation and further strife.

Harmony

Letting go is a practice, requiring discipline, focus, and embracing open vulnerability as a path to strength rather than shame.

It takes time to get good at it, and there is no room for perfectionism.

Letting go requires learning how first to self-soothe emotionally.

Finding a place in between emotional storms and totally checking-out.

To get perspective on the often misleading beliefs and viewpoints people repeat as if they were facts of life.

If you have known someone for more than twenty years and want to move on from the relationship, it can be hard to get that person, what they did, out of your psyche.

How many times have others told you to “let go” of things?

If you’re anywhere near human, the thought of “letting go” can often seem scary, negative and downright difficult.

Intrinsically as humans who were trained to survive, we were somehow taught to hold on, maintain or grow.

So why do we insist that “letting go” is the best solution towards healing or moving forward when we encounter a problem?

Why is letting go usually the first piece of advice whenever we encounter emotional burdens or hardships?

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