This is the key and one of the most fundamental insights about the ‘red flags’ that we often dismiss regarding the people in our lives. If someone complains a lot to you about other people, guess what?

That is part of their current character. And, as quickly as the tide changes, you can just as easily become the person they target and criticize, point fingers at, and negatively judge.

 Forever and always, until vibrations are raised, this will be the cycle of the relationship. So, it’s your choice to continue to engage in the cycle with them, or to move on.

There are plenty of people who do not criticize, point fingers, or judge.

A person who learns to be both discerning and non-judgmental will experience tremendous freedom in expressing his true, authentic, opinions about others-since he will not feel weighed down by the worry that he is being judgmental.

Such a person will exhibit the twin qualities of being motivated to look for everyone’s true-but perhaps hidden-talents, and of compassion towards those who haven’t had the luck to make them successful.

And people will find it easier to take negative feedback from such a person since they will recognize that the feedback is not meant to be malicious.

Judgment is a natural instinct.

One can keep their judgmental words and thoughts from harming others. Acknowledging someone else’s suffering can stop one from judging that person.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate.

Thank you ….Those who feel good about themselves have less interest in judging others.

Despite our best efforts, we all judge others. It might be over small things, like a co-worker who took too long of a lunch break. Or it might be over bigger issues, such as a person who behaves selfishly or hurts our feelings.

Imagine you are walking through the woods and you see a small dog. It looks cute and friendly. You approach and move to pet the dog.

Suddenly, it snarls and tries to bite you. The dog no longer seems cute and you feel fear and possibly anger .

Then, as the wind blows, the leaves on the ground are carried away and you see the dog has one of its legs caught in a trap. Now, you feel compassion for the dog. You know it became aggressive because it is in pain and is suffering.

What can we learn from this?

How can we become less judgmental?

Do you want to add a word or two?….

Don’t blame yourself. We are instinctively hard-wired for survival. When we see a dog (or a person) that might bite us (literally or metaphorically), of course, we feel threatened.

We go into fight-flight-freeze mode and are unable to see the myriad possible reasons for another’s behavior. We get tight and defensive. This is a normal first reaction. The key is to pause before we act out of this mode.

Be mindful.

Although judgment is a natural instinct, try to catch yourself before you speak, or send that nasty email and do any potential harm.

Your Comments….

You can’t get your words back. Pause.

See if you can understand where the person may be coming from. Try to rephrase your critical internal thought into a positive one, or at least a neutral one. After all, like that dog in the trap, we really don’t know the reasons for someone’s behavior.

Depersonalize. When someone disagrees with us or somehow makes our life difficult, remember that it’s typically not about us. It may be about their pain or struggle.

Why not give others the benefit of the doubt?

Never underestimate the pain of a person because, in all honesty, everyone is struggling. Some people are better at hiding it than others.

Look for basic goodness. This takes practice, as our minds naturally scan for the negative, but if we try, we can almost always find something good about another person.

Repeat the mantra, “Just like me.” Remember, we are more alike than different.

When I feel critical of someone, I try to remind myself that the other person loves their family just like I do, and wants to be happy and free of suffering, just like I do. Most important, that person makes mistakes, just like I do.

Reframe. When someone does something you don’t like, perhaps think of it as they are simply solving a problem in a different way than you would.

Or maybe they have a different timetable than you do. This may help you be more open-minded and accepting of their behavior.

The Dalai Lama says: “People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.”

Look at your own behavior. Sometimes, we may be judging someone for something that we do ourselves, or have done.

For example, the next time you find yourself yelling at someone while you’re driving, ask yourself, “Have I ever driven poorly?” Of course, we all have.

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