Criticism is part and parcel of living in this the world.

First, how to deal with angry criticism. You’ve rubbed someone the wrong way, or crossed their path during an angry streak.

Dig for the softer emotion beneath their anger.

Angry criticism almost always means the critic feels hurt in some way.

One key thing to remember during these times: anger is a secondary emotion—it’s a reaction to and an expression of a softer primary emotion underneath like hurt, shame, guilt, or humiliation.

People get hurt first, and then they get angry. But when you dig beneath the superficial anger in search of the softer emotion, it’s much easier to feel sympathetic toward them.

And while it’s hard to feel sorry for someone whose feedback is aimed at you like a dart, try to think about what button might have gotten pushed. And then, do this:

Handle the situation in a way that you imagine someone both confident and poised would handle it. You’ll likely see them soften.

Agree with the critic.

If you’re getting panned for something beyond your control, align yourself with the critic—you could agree, “I know, you’re right. It’s a shame that we didn’t win the tournament. I wish it had worked out better, too.” This will redirect the anger away from you and get you out of the line of fire.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate.

Thank you ….What not to do?

Don’t get defensive or blame others.

Reacting defensively shows insecurity, plus you’ll just come across as aggressive and difficult. And blaming is even worse. Resist throwing someone under the bus.

Next, what to do with negative feedback that’s not angry, comes from a good place, and is presented fairly and professionally?

This is often the hardest to hear. It stinks to hear your idea, performance, or talent isn’t up to par.

It’s not what they say, it’s what you hear.

This is the big one. Interpretation is everything. If a critical comment has truly shaken your confidence, thrown you into a multi-day crying jag, or left you nodding and smiling.

Do you want to add a word or two?….

Likely, your answer won’t have anything to do with what your critic said.

Consider that the critic might be wrong.

A colleague of mine recently criticised another for focusing too much on taking care of patients and not enough on research.

The target of the criticism was devastated until she realized it was just his opinion. From her point of view and values, he was just plain wrong.

Ultimately, feedback is an opinion shaped by the giver’s context, values, and place in life. You can always reject criticism that does not match what your core beliefs tell you is correct.

This can even be empowering. When it’s your turn to hear criticism, remember: just because someone says it, doesn’t mean it’s true.

Your Comments….

Criticism might mean you’re a misunderstood innovator.

Perhaps folks just aren’t ready for your work. Almost every true innovator has stories about collecting reams of negative feedback before finally breaking through and finding success.

Give it some time, respond calmly and logically , and you and your ideas may gain credibility over time.

Maybe your critic has a point.

The flip side of the misunderstood genius is the slacker with potential. Sometimes criticism might just mean your work isn’t your best effort yet.

Maybe your presentation is sloppy, or your idea not well-thought-out enough. Seize the criticism as an opportunity. Some extra polish may make your work shine. Thank your critic and get to work.

Dealing with conflict and criticism is equally as good, as you perceive it to be bad.

You learn more when being criticised, and you get a chance to show the world your followers, fans, customers and staff how you deal with pressure situations.

The worst two extremes you can resort to when dealing with conflict and criticism, is to on the one extreme avoid it, and on the other flip out over it.

Either emotional extreme of fight or flight will likely stoke the fire and make the situation worse. To avoid it is to be delusional that it might just disappear, which it rarely, if ever does. To aggressively react to it is to make it worse.

As you get better and more successful, you will have to deal with and face head on conflict and criticism, much of it unwarranted and some of it needed to put you back into balance.

This strategy entails not just accepting but also publicly agreeing with the critique. This is utilized when you are the target of genuine criticism.

The technique is accepting criticism of your poor attributes without apologizing or allowing yourself to be destroyed.

Negative inquiry necessitates a more in-depth examination. If you’re not sure whether a critique is valid or constructive, you should seek clarification.

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