The truth is you’re still productive when you’re resting. Self-care or personal care is productive for our soul.

For me, I long to be willing, to be molded by the loss I feel from my wife’s death and the grace with which she lived her life.

I feel sadness that I will never see her smile again or feel her strong, tender hands on my back.

And I also feel excited that when I miss her, I feel her even more, and I can begin — in small ways — to feel my own smile, my own hands, showing up in new ways, more generously, more tenderly, more strongly.

We all need emotional courage because being willing to be changed means we must accept and admit that we are not in control and we don’t know.

Two things many of us spend our lives scrambling and acquiring and competing and succeeding and workaholic-ing to avoid admitting. It’s disorienting to let go. To realize — to admit — that our control is really only a sense of control.

Which is why to slow down rather than speed up, to pause and feel, to approach this moment, with an openness and willingness to be changed, is really, really hard.

So what can we do to support ourselves through this moment?

That’s actually the wrong question. I have read — and followed — lots of advice about things we can do to slow down and leave space for change: meditation, poetry, walks, journaling, dream-work, and more.

But these things can also get in the way because they reflect more doing. It’s trying to solve the problem with the same thinking that created it.

Here’s an alternative that has been working for me: Not doing. Or at least, less-doing. There are a few ways I’ve been entering not-doing space that you may want to try. Consider relaxing pressure on.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate.

Thank you ….Your time

Walk away from your calendar. Leave that space for, literally, nothing. Not a thing. It’s not your writing time or even focused work time.

Don’t fill those moments with the busy work of email and to-do lists.

Allow yourself time out of time. Allow yourself to dawdle. I went food shopping with one of my daughters and she asked to take a certain road home. “But it will take twice as long!” I protested. “Who cares?” She answered, “It’s a beautiful drive.” And, in every way, it was.

Your thinking

Let your mind wander. When you go for a run, don’t listen to a podcast or even music, just run. When you fold the laundry, just fold the laundry.

I’m not suggesting “mindfulness,” focusing on each fold as you fold. The opposite, actually.

Don’t be mindful — that’s just more control, more pressure, more demand. Instead, let your mind go wherever it goes and, maybe, notice where it goes.

Your relationships

If you need a break from seeing people, allow for that. I have lovely, caring friends who have offered runs and conversations and I tell them the truth:

I love them but, right now, I want to go running by myself. They understand. And if you do want to be with people, try doing it with curiosity and vulnerability, without wasting effort performing.

If you’re listening, don’t judge or solve or offer advice. Just trust that your presence is enough. And if you’re speaking, ask only for an ear.

“I don’t want advice,” you can tell them, “I just want to share what’s going on for me.” You’ll be doing them a favor too because you’re releasing them from having to know anything or perform.

Do you want to add a word or two?….

When you relax the demand on your time, your thinking, and your relationships, you’re slowing down, reducing the load, and leaving space for feelings to come up. Maybe tears, maybe laughter, maybe boredom or annoyance.

Maybe you’ll feel the stress of not getting things done, or the fear of missing out as people around you produce and network and market. Maybe you’ll feel joy and that might be scary too.

Courageously feel everything without running or repressing or denying or distracting yourself by doing. Give room for your body, your mind, your spirit, to reorganize.

Trust that something important is happening — that there is something good on the other side — even if you don’t know what. You can’t force it.

But you can sabotage it. It’s hard to trust not-doing when we’re all suffering loss right now. It feels risky. Our doing habits are so strong.

Your Comments……

I feel the instinct to cling to what I have known and what has kept me safe in the past. But I can also feel myself gingerly loosen my grip on the security of what has been, leaving my hands free, open, reaching for what’s to come.

Individuals that feel the constant need to always to be productive often live in a sense of urgency, and may overcommit. When we live with a sense of urgency and are always thinking about our next task, we keep ourselves from focusing on the present moment and being mindful.

Overcommitting and overwhelming ourselves with tasks can ultimately lead to chronic stress. Chronic stress can lead to things as extreme as sleeplessness, depression, and anxiety, and when our physical and mental health isn’t at its best, our productivity won’t be either.

When productivity doesn’t seem to be on par with what it should be, individuals may feel guilt. However, a certain level of productivity is important in our daily lives as it gives us a sense of purpose and achievement, which is vital to our overall well-being.

It’s important to find a balance between productivity and mental health.

It’s perfectly okay not to be productive every minute of the day or even every day.

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